I fell in love with a fictional character.
A little bird told me that you were pretty damn close with her today. Who is this her I speak of? Remember the time you said that this girl isn’t worth my time, that I should just leave things alone because she doesn’t matter? Yes, that girl. You were pretty damn close with her today.
I don’t really know how I feel about the whole thing. That’s the reason why I’m blogging about it. One thing I’ve discovered about myself is that when I blog, even though I don’t know what to blog about, the ideas just flood in and I reach a conclusion. So, here I am blogging my way to arriving to a conclusion.
A mystery, that’s what it is to me. It’s really hard to explain why such things occur, especially with you. You once told me things about her that weren’t really pleasant. Yes, they all came from you. But now that I hear that you and her are pretty chummy, maybe the world shifted its axis a bit. Or maybe your brain got jumbled or something, that you’re not in your right state of mind. I just don’t know what to make of the whole situation considering all that has happened, all that has been said. I’d hate to think that you’re a hypocrite but signs are pointing to that.
I wish I could ask you to clear things up for me. There is a call for clarity on my part. But it’s weird that I feel the need for clarification considering that I am not of any significance to you anymore. I’m not saying that in a ‘oh-woe-is-me’ tone. It’s a fact, the truth. I’ve accepted that already. You even forgot my birthday. There isn’t any tinge of bitterness in that statement. Okay, maybe a teeny-weenie bit. But overall, I’m okay. That just justifies that you’ve moved on.
Have I moved on? I don’t know. I don’t really think about it anymore. Sometimes, when you happen to cross my mind, that’s it; you just cross it. You don’t linger anymore. That’s immense progress. Maybe it helped that I rarely ever saw you. With that statement, I can’t even really say that I miss you. I don’t know. I guess I’m moving on. Like, legitimately moving on. And I’m happy about it.
But note that I am not completely and entirely over you. I don’t even know why any word of you still reaches me. I’m currently loaded with things I have to do and think about but you could always find your way into them. People still feel the need to tell me things about you. I’m not saying I don’t want to hear anything about you. Quite the opposite actually. I’d like to hear a few things about you. It assures me that you’re still alive. Yes, that sounds a tad bit cruel but that’s what it is. And I’d like to hear things about you for the purpose of testing myself if I still care. So far, things are going in my favor.
And alas, I’ve come to a conclusion: I’m bothered with you being pretty damn close to her but I’m moving on. And to add to that, maybe moving on isn’t that hard for me to do anymore.. Because all that is happening is proof that you are not the person I fell in love with.