Musings

I feel as much as I think. I do both excessively.

Month: October, 2012

by Thought Catalog

by Thought Catalog

I just..

by avrillorenzo

miss you. So damn much. And that’s all that I can do.

Unsent, Unseen, Unread.

by avrillorenzo

There are a lot of things I want to say to you. But I know they won’t matter or you don’t want to hear them anymore. So, I think I should jot them down just in case they would matter again.

Hi. I miss you. So, so much. Before, you were the first person I thought of when I wake up. Yes, even when you broke up with me, your were still the first and only one. I guess it’s a normal thing. You were also the last. Was it the same for you? I think it wasn’t. Was. Past tense. I say that because it isn’t the case anymore. But I’d rather have that: waking up to the thought of you rather than staying up ’til dawn because of the thought of you. I really miss you.

How are you? I think you’re fine. You have a new set of friends. I’m glad you do. At least you’re not alone and you have new people to talk to. That assures me that you’re not as upset as I thought. Not at all. You seem happy and I guess that’s enough for me. But that doesn’t mean I’m supposed to be happy about that. You’re happy… without me.

What have you been doing? I ask this because we don’t talk anymore. There were times when our eyes would lock for more than 5 seconds and that’s the only interaction we have. You’d pass me by and never say hi. Maybe I’m at fault with that. Because, when our eyes lock, I’m the first one to look away. I’m sorry for that. You see, if I don’t look away, I’d be back at square one. I remember too much with just even the thought of you. What more with the sight of you? I want to know what you’ve been doing. I want to do them too. Because they made you happy enough to forget about me. Maybe, just maybe, if I do what you do I’d be happy enough to forget about you.

It’s hard. Really, it is. Because I was so used to you being there and then one day you weren’t. And I didn’t know what to make of that. You left me. Just like that. I don’t know if you even found it hard, forgetting about me… us. I think you didn’t. I’m relatively sure of that because people find the need to tell me that you look happy. That started happening right after the day you called it off.

Was it that easy? Did I make it that easy? I just loved you. I still do. And I’m still here for you. All the things that I ever said to you, they were all true. You say your words were too. But it doesn’t seem that way at all. Well for one, if they were true, you wouldn’t hurt me like this and leave me just like that. You said you were still there. You said you wanted to be with me. You said I made you happy. You said you loved me. You say they were true, reality says otherwise.

Do you even miss me?

Do you still think of me?

I just want to know. But it saddens me when I ask those questions… Because I know you well enough to know the answer.

No. No, you don’t.