A movie was all it took for me to do what I had to do. A movie was all it took for me to cry.
Finally, my eyes are dried up. I’ve cried all the tears I could for the whole thing. I’ve grieved enough. Now, I can finally breathe. I feel so light and airy and I can really smile now.
I’m okay now because finally I was able to ugly cry. It was 2 in the afternoon, my curtains were drawn so my room was relatively dim and I just finished watching a movie. Slowly, it started to creep up on me until it took me by surprise and I just cried like crazy. Good thing the people in the house were taking naps. I ugly cried, sobbed like crazy and heaved. I was curled up in bed with my pillow and stuffed bear squished to my chest.
After what seemed like an hour but was actually just minutes, I pulled myself together. I smoked two cigs, drank 3 glasses of water, took a cold shower and brushed my teeth. Once settled in my room, I set my playlist in random and just listened to the songs. Most of the songs were sad but they didn’t matter as much anymore.
I looked back on the whole thing, from start to finish, and smiled. At least it happened, right? At least I was able to feel that much again. At least I was able to have someone, even just for a short while. No matter how much I wanted him to stay, he didn’t. There’s nothing I could really do about that. Everybody has their own choice. No matter how involved you are, you’re not the one who makes his decision. Sure, you can influence it.. But bottom line is, whatever his choice is, you have to accept it. That’s the right thing to do. That’s the mature thing to do. Being mature makes things easier, I guess.
Maybe it’s supposed to be this way. Okay. I can handle that.
At least I loved and was loved in return. That’s enough.
I’m happy it happened. We happened.
That’s enough. 🙂