To crazy mothers and happy friends.
Talking is one of the most helpful aids to getting rid of depression. Seriously.
I woke up today, and I cried. Mother fucking damn it. I cried again. And yes, I’m starting to hate on it so that’s a good sign. I’m moving on I guess. Well, sorta. Baby steps, no.. Fetus steps. (What?) So, yeah.. I cried. I ate breakfast and had a spoonful of Nutella for dessert so that lifted my spirits up a bit. Then, I went to the bathroom and saw my reflection. Suffice to say, I looked like hell. My eyes were red, a tad bit puffy and had dark circles surrounding them as if somebody punched me. And my face was blotchy so, yeah.. I looked like hell, which I’m not used to because when I cry, my face has this ability to morph back to normal the moment I stop sniffling. All traces of crying are gone. I think my face left the trace because it got tired of reverting back to normal when it knows that I’m gonna cry again an hour later. Damn it.
So, I decided to go online and one of my friends was online. We talked about my whole sitch again and it made me sad. But not as sad as yesterday and the day before, and the day before that. Just a little and that made me happy. Then, my mother messaged me on facebook and gave me advice and made me sound stupid and made me laugh like crazy. Yes, she made me sound stupid for getting all crazy depressed over a boy who I was with for a month. And it’s true. I feel stupid. Seriously. And I’m happy about it. Yes, I know I sound like a psycho now. I’m not though, I think. I’m just happy that I agree that I was stupid with the whole thing with the dude. Because when I agree with my mom, that means the old me is still around. There is hope.
I mentioned the convo I had with my friend and he’s all like, ‘why not combine the old Avril and the new one? You know, like an Avril hybrid or something. That’d be cool.’. He made me sound like a scary lab experiment. Heh. And yes, that was my reply. And this was his.. ‘I suck at explaining things. Point is, you shouldn’t try to go back to being the old Avril. I mean, yeah, she was cool and sorta badass but new Avril has some good qualities too. She’s nicer and laughs more. So…why not take both and make a happy yet badass Avril? Er…Wait. What I’m trying to say is, don’t go back, move forward. There. I think I got it right that time.’ He’s right. I guess the hybrid me would work. We talked a bit more about it and I sounded like my old self again, a calmer, less meaner version.
And after that, it was like things were back to normal again, though only for a short while. Just a little snippet of the old me and the normal world. Like my mom making me laugh like crazy with the bickering that we do and the frenchified convos with friends. But that was enough to help me accept things and have the will to move on. Have the will. Have the hope.
If I keep this up, I know that when the time comes when he officially ends it, I wouldn’t be much of a mess as I would have been. I would be calm and have a relatively clear state of mind. I’d have control over my feelings and the things that I’m going to say. I’ll be mature about the whole deal and things will be fine.
Yes, things will be alright. I’ll be alright.