It’s 3:30 in the afternoon and I just noticed the sun. I’m sitting in front of my desk, waiting for the crappy Internet connection to come back. My desk is directly in front of the window, so I basically have the view of the outside world. There’s the writer vibe hovering around me as I stare at the sun that I saw for the first time today. When I woke up, the sky was pretty much covered with gray rain clouds. It was a relatively gloomy day. It wasn’t as dark as I wanted it to be because the sun made sure to make its presence known by making the sky bright despite the gray clouds. Now, those clouds are just hovering around while the sun decides to claim its stage again.
I’m not sure what I’m feeling right now. All I know is that the sun finally showing up made me want to start writing, or as I would like to call it, talking to myself in my head and pretending that I’m a different person. It sounds like what a socially awkward person would do, right? Well. I am that so I guess whatever I’m doing fits. But that fact still remains, I don’t know what I’m feeling right now.
You can say I’m a little out of sorts recently. I’m at that place again where I don’t know what to feel so I don’t feel at all. I choose not to feel. I had a person encounter this side of me and even called me heartless. Maybe I am. But I’m not. I can’t possibly be heartless since this is just a ‘place’ I go to on certain circumstances. I guess I just have the skill to turn off my heart once in a while. I was thinking of using emotion instead of heart. But numb is an emotion so I guess it won’t count.
If I were to explain how I’m feeling right now, only one word can pretty much explain things. Floating. I feel like I’m floating. I’m not particularly latched on to one feeling thus me being non-feeling. It’s like my vision is pretty much blurred and I’m walking down the road I call my life. Basically, I’m wrapped in uncertainty right now. Confused.